I used to write. Fiction: stories, poems, and the like, but I mean music. I used to write lots of music. I wrote about a million songs before college, but the first real song I remember writing and writing down was a song called “Angel” back in college. It took form slowly.
The first song I arranged and completed was called “Time,” and that was my senior year. It was the first song that was actually complete, not just a melody. Then came “Away,” a song I actually performed twice in front of people. “Open Letter” was third. At that point I started numbering my songs. And until 2000, I wrote and arranged about 60 songs. Now, due to shitty notetaking, I only really remember about 30 or 40, but the point is: I was prolific.
Now, when I revisit these songs, some of them are just not very impressive. Some, the lyrics are shabby. Others don’t seem very complete. Some songs are just not very good melodies. And that, I believe, is why I haven’t composed a complete song in years. In 2000, I wrote a song that really spread beyond just acoustic guitar called “What She’s Got.” I was, and still am, proud of it. In the last two years, though, I have played piano more, and that has lead to two songs, both currently untitled and lacking lyrics. Neither is especially genre-similar to the other 40-odd songs I remember.
So now, in 2003, I really want to get back into song writing and I find myself unable to tap into the creative resource I used to have. There used to be a well bleeding of inspiration, brought on mostly, I hate to say, by my misery living in Connecticut. That pain translated into lots of songs that captured that emotion, including “CLV” and “This Pain,” amongst others. And weed, as displayed in “Slide.” And even cosmic events, like in “Rigel” and “Saturn.”
Freaking out about money, unfortunately, makes not for musical inspiration, and everything else is okay, for the most part. I find myself too happy to compose anything worthwhile, isn’t that sad? I need something to really move me, something to kick my ass. I’m hoping that moving to Florida will provide *positive* motivation to capture some emotion in song. I’m hoping.
